Paid vacation, anyone..?

“They should all have been in favour of taking workers out of the emissions prone industries. They should all be willing and eager to going as far as paying people to take a leave. It would certainly be the best thing they could ever do for the ecosystems of the planet. — Think about it: how many coal miners do the planet need? The answer seems to be none. And think again: how many truck drivers do the planet need? The answer is very few.”

I wonder what the average truck driver and coal miner would think about any of this?

“What do you think?”

First of all, I don’t think they’re thinking about what the planet needs. — Well, at least not in terms of their professions. — I think they’re thinking they’ve got every right to do what they do in order to place food on the table and pay the bills, that’s what I think. As for the manner in which your question is put, I think both the beginning and the end of it would be alien to everyone.

“Quite.”

But seriously?! You can’t expect the government to pay the people for not going to work anymore, now can you?

“Why not?! I mean: what’s good for the planet is good for humanity, and what’s good for humanity should be good for the government too. And if certain lines of work are easily found to be destructive to the environment, you know what I mean..?”

It’s just that people do not think like that.

“Okay. Fine. But you see: I’m not people. All I am doing is think about what might come as good news to the ecosystems of this planet. As for how people think, I’m not sure: are they at all thinking?! I mean: how can they possibly look at environmental destruction due to the consumption of coal, for example, and then conclude that the building of several hundreds new coal-fired plants is a matter of great importance?”

I don’t know the right thing to say.

“It’s irrational!”

That’s possible.

“Irrational seems to be the key word to all enhancement of understanding of what appears to be happening around here. More than 16.000 species are presently listed as at risk of extinction, and human activity threatens 99 percent of them. It’s irrational, isn’t it?”

It is.

“Now I wonder what good would be the end result if people in emissions prone industries were paid for taking a long vacation while a whole species at rest woke up to the fact that what they’re about to commit here is a crime against nature. — And all for what? Well, for nothing. You know what I mean.”

Yes, I do. But I also know that people won’t think like that. What you’re thinking has nothing to do with the globalized capitalist system of our times. Now, that’s a problem. You’re coming out as a real idiot here. Or an April’s fools prankster. –

“And that, my dear friend, makes me happy. Isn’t it perfectly clear by now that humanity is in need of a substantially new manner of thinking?”

Far out.

We’re creatures of nature, too

“So, what if nature itself decided for them to take notice of global climate change challenges? Would that be possible?”

Which kind of question is that?

“Never mind.”

Okay. — I think there’s really no saying what’s possible and what’s not. The only development that seems to absolutely impossible to achieve is that of getting hold of sociological and anthropological reports on the urgency of social changes taking place around here. It seems as if these people with those titles have already reached the consensual agreement that proposing that any form of social change must be considered, is a non-starter. It’s as if the social and cultural life academics have already concluded that people are not going to make any real lifestyle choices, and since it’s not going to happen anyway: why bother even to think about it?

“You know, that’s interesting. And I just heard a bird singing a song about the need to look into enviromental devastation on a more local level, and pointing to the simple fact that smog, water pollution and bloated landfills can be more clearly seen without graphs and charts and addressed regionally. Less abstract, in a sense. It’s a good point.”

It’s excellent.

“It’s all knit neatly together, of course. If only humankind would dare to consider the fact that they are not only creatures of society and culture, but indeed also creatures of nature. — It is difficult to them, now isn’t it?!”

It sure is. They like to think of themselves as creatures of society, first and foremost, and not at all as creatures of nature, unless they deliberately go trekking into the woods of the planet in order to do some actual hunting, shooting and fishing.

“But that’s the key! If they were to accept that they’re creatures of nature living in big cities, like ant-hills or bee-hives, and affecting nature in such a lot of ways, I think there would be a glimmer of hope to be spotted. But they’re so involved with the metaphors, the symbols, and the logos of theirs. It’s just fabulous.”

Yes, sir! It’s all about the money. And what’s more: it’s all about the nation-states, the big business corporations, and the ins-and-outs of the corridors of power. — The banks, the insurance companies, the hotels, the shopping malls, and the football stadiums. And then it’s all about the diplomatic envoys, the beaurocratic ways and ends, the powers that be, and the need to go to war on other powers that be, from other parts of the world. I just can’t get my head around this one. The military spending is awesome. It’s up, up, up, all over the planet. It may seem as if some very few of them are about to reach the decision to just bomb the whole place back into the stone age.

“And what a pity that would be.”

So let’s assume that they’re simply being very afraid of each other, and let that be the reason why the military spending is soaring. I mean: think about it — even though they’ve had access to nuclear weapons for more than fifty years, and wars have been taking place throughout this period they still haven’t made use of the technology more often than a very few times. It’s like they dread the possibility of destroying everything while at the same time they invent and produce even more new weapons and new war technologies, just in case.

“In case of what?”

I don’t know. In case of the Russians, the Americans, the Chinese, the British, the French, the Israelis, the Indians, or the Pakistanis. You know. Just in case.

“Okay. In case something happened, you mean. Newclearly.” –

That’s right.

“And this would probably be the reason why it is impossible for these people to agree on the emissions levels of CO2 and other toxic gases as well, don’t you think? Just in case of one local economy made this thing or that start to happen over there. — I hear they are going to meet in Bangkok soon. Where they are probably going to continue talking about how to stress the importance of the Kyoto agreement and the IPCC’s climate science, but not do something significant about it.”

Oh yes. There’s a meeting in Bangkok coming up. I wonder what is going to come of the final meeting, in 2009, in Copenhagen, Denmark, where (and when) they are supposed to reach some kind of a final agreement as to what they are going to do about the CO2 emissions. The meeting in Bangkok is nothing but a preparatory measure to that end. They’re buying time. In a year or so you’ll probably never be hearing about that 2005 augmented 10-year-window of opportunity no more, as they’re going to decide to start pushing and shoving at it until it finally cracks and breaks.

“Another great opportunity lost. Another great idea turned to waste. That would be such a shame, you know.”

Yes, I know. But the population of this world keeps growing at an exponential rate. The world economy is also expected to grow at an exponential rate. The International Energy Agency (IEA) expects the fossil fuels consumption of this world to keep growing very fast. And the people, well, they are all news consumers. They won’t be doing nothing while they’re reading the latest newspaper articles on how the atmosphere and the ecosystems of this planet is being destroyed. They’ll just buy another cup of coffee and look forward to reading the next newspaper of the next day and the next magazine of the next week, and think: what a wonderful world, it’s amazing. –

“You’re growing tired down there. I can see that. It means that you’ve got to work harder, you know. Get a change on. And then a little fix it. You know.”

I wish you didn’t steal my flying saucer.

“You wish!”

A peculiar sense of identity

“So why don’t they change their ways? Now that they’ve got all this climate change science, and most of this science is all about the misuse of oil, gas, and coal. I mean: burning it. How stupid.”

Yeah.

“Why don’t they change their ways?”

Heh, well, that’s what we’re here to find out about, I suppose. But you see: first of all we’ve got to recognize the fact that the human species has never in history been in complete peace with themselves. And that’s a problem. All this shooting and killing, all this bombing, and all this placement of explosive mines in the terrain, hell you know, it’s a problem.

“The first problem.”

In a sense: yes. The first problem. But the real problem is the human beings’ strong ties to a multitude of flags, logos, symbols, and metaphors. The first and most important metaphor is that of the nation-state. Bigger and smaller, there are about 200 of those. Each of these 200 nation-states have their own laws and regulations, their own parliaments and governments, their own currencies, and of course their own armed forces. Police officers. Soldiers. People who get paid for hunting down and, sometimes, killing other people.

“Hm.”

Now, each and every nation-state has its own flag. That’s the national logo. Each and every nation-state has its own song, too. That’s the national anthem.

“Tell me about it.”

The national anthems are being used to create national identity on the part of the masses of the people who are born, live and do their business inside the nation-state’s borders. Each nation-state has its own national anthem. And the singing of the national anthem is, I believe, more of a ritual than anything else.

“I see.”

People don’t usually smile while singing the national anthem. They look rather mournful, really, as they’re doing it. –

“OK?!”

Ah, there are such a lot of things that are difficult to understand. They place a lot of value on the importance of the nation-state. — Patriotism, they call it. And it’s among the most important values any person can muster. Loving the country. Respecting the flag. Placing the right hand on the chest and rising to ones feet as the national anthem is being played. Things like that. I mean: strange things. But equally quite natural as they do the same things and act the same way all over the planet, no matter what might be the name of the nation-state. Every human is expected to show signs of reverence whenever a national anthem is being played. Yes, that would be the correct term. Reverence.

“How odd.”

Truly!

“Okay, continue.”

Each and every nation-state is divided into different sub-sections. A nation-state can consist of as many sub-sections as the founders of the states at some point found there was a need for. 50 or 400 sub-sections, it doesn’t matter. But these are all sectors belonging to the realms of beaurocracy. This is the point where the human species is starting to look retarded. They all need to control each other, you see. There’s no music in that. Not many songs about beaurocracy are written and composed, hm … to put it that way. But it’s the beaurocracies that bring a sense of stability into the lives of human beings. That, and family affairs. It’s important to humans. A sense of stability. Balance, so to speak. Only never any kind of balance as concerns the whole planet. The ecosystems of this world get lost under a carpet of metaphorical sizes: nation-states and counties. They’re all tied down to the different nation-states of theirs; each individual person being a member of a nation state. Tied up and held down by a massive force of symbolic power! It’s extraordinary!

“No ties to the planet?”

None. Well, not officially anyway. If you make the claim that you’ve got this certain tie to the ecosystems of the planet, or even to the planet itself, you will be understrood as some kind of a whacko. Or an artist at best. Which is often about being a serious whacko on a professional basis, so to say. But still a legal citizen of some country, of course. There’s no getting around this one.

“So how are these people going to go about saving the planet from all sorts of environmental devastation, if they are hardly even allowed to call the planet their home, but lead their entire lives tied down to some metaphorical nation-state entity?”

It’s going to be difficult.

“You’re damned right about that! They’ve got to connect with the fact that they’re disturbing the ecosystems of this planet on a global scale as well as a local one. They’ve got to connect with the fact that planet Earth is their planetary home.”

They all know that.

“And yet they do nothing about it, am I right?”

You’re right.

“I thought so. You know, this species is never going to stop amazing me. As a matter of fact it is going to amaze me ceaselessly.”

You’re right about that too, I suppose.

“That’s too bad. They’d better make a clean break with the nation-state system if they are going to succeed here. They should, as a matter of urgency, make way for a planetary sense of identity down here. And they’d better do that as fast as possible. — I hear they’ve given themselves a window of opportunity of about ten years, isn’t that so?”

That’s so.

“Now, they have the internet and they’ve got all these satelites, so communication should not be a problem. It makes you wonder what’s keeping them from coming together and dissolving a few symbols and metaphors, don’t you think?”

I sure do. But it’s not all that easy. We’re talking hundreds and thousands of years of keeping the national borders under strict military control. That’s a very long time. It’s long standing tradition. And bad habits are hard to change. –

“So, what if nature itself decided for them to take notice of global climate change challenges? Would that be possible?”

I don’t know.

“Hm.”

Global warming is a social phenomenon, too

Global warming is a social, a cultural, a spiritual, a mental, and a psychological problem. But as a topic for social research it remains largely untouched. As for now, it remains a topic left with the experts of the physical and natural sciences to map out, wrap up, and resolve. As these scientific reports we are getting are becoming more and more worrisome, and it may seem as if solving the problem of global warming — making global warming stop — is going to take a lot of social change. Unless we are all supposed to come to believe there will be new technological fixes to the problems of emissions from oil, gas, and coal on a relatively short notice, it means the consumption of oil, gas, and coal must be brought down from the current level, and not be allowed to increase as expected by the International Energy Agency (IEA). Now, as there is virtually no social indicator available to say otherwise, it seems as if the IEA will be right in assuming that CO2 emissions will increase in the coming years, and not decrease, as would be required (the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has issued statements to the effect that we have an eight-year window of opportunity at our hands here). I say: this should in every possible way leave the social sciences with a task that should not be overlooked. But the masters of the social sciences keep overlooking it. Why? Because the probable end results of the proposed social scientific investigation into the matter of the social changes required to prevent the heating of the world to dangerous levels are way too depressing to even try to cope with. And I say this because it is everywhere for everyone to see that there is not much that is being done to curb greenhouse gas emissions. — Not here, not there, and not anywhere. While we all ought to know that we got to get started here, we keep procrastinating.

This is a social dilemma which is not being studied by anyone (I just googled the line “global warming social challenge” and didn’t find much of interest, I’m afraid). But I’d like to believe the ugly truth must someday come out of the social sciences departments and institutions of the university sector. As it is: I’m still waiting for signs of warning coming from other fields of study than the psychological science (some research on the actual human side of the global warming situation is actually being studied by psychologists). I am thinking first and foremost of the departments of philosophy, sociology, and social anthropology, and I ask myself: why are these people keeping their mouths shut? Can’t they see that global warming is also a social phenomenon? And that it needs to be adressed?

Whenever media outlets are broadcasting the publications of new physical science reports that says things about the emissions cuts that needs to be undertaken, I am not among those who instinctively start thinking about possible technological fixes. I’m left thinking about the social aspects involved in reducing fossil fuels use. As for now, I’m quite ready to accept the notion that I’m thinking like a madman, and that most people believe technological solutions to global warming is right around the corner. But I doubt that there is. The solution to global warming is a global-wide social revolution, that’s my belief. But it’s also my belief that this is not going to happen. We’re going to sit around waiting for technological fixes until our faces turn blue. As the class system and the nation-state system continues to pose as among the most important sources of grievances amongst our number, and also as the most important sources of social distractions available to us, as a relatively high CO2 emissions output remains an indicator of wealth, happiness, and joy all over the planet. While relatively low individual and societal CO2 emissions levels are the safest of all statistical signs of poverty.

Global warming is a hypocrisy issue. As bad news is the fastest kind of news available to the human brain, I know that global warming is something that all sincere adults are aware of, and worried about, no matter where on the planet they are living. I’d also like to believe that most adults are indeed sincere. A fact which leads me to believing that the current world civilization must collapse as soon as possible, and be replaced by a much more nature friendly civilization: one that puts a greater value on what’s best for Mother Nature than it does on the interest of the nation-state, the corporate economy, the great wealth of the very few, and so on. I don’t believe it is going to happen.

So I’m off to meet with my space alien friends again. The little green people who are all baffled by what they’re seeing on this planet. Watching this species of four-wheeled mammals about to going absolutely insane by way of coming to understand and realize what a social mess we are all wading into here. As a whole species of ecosystems destroyers are coming to realize that we should be living a bit more like red indians here, or stop driving cars until the new and eco-friendly batteries have gone safe. And rage aginst the soothing tele-vision machines while we’re at it. As we understand that they are making our present times appear so very beautiful and cosy while the whole planet is seething with fantastic climate chaos and exhilarating extreme weather events, just waiting for us to connect with a future that is looking dimmer and dimmer as procrastination is left to just continue. And so on.

Now, my space aliens belong to my Dream-Lands. Where they’ll stay. Always with me, but never part of me.

Distantly introspect.

The original idea of curbing CO2 emissions is going to prove impossible anyway

Washington Post, March 10, 2008: Carbon Output Must Near Zero To Avert Danger, New Studies Say

“The task of cutting greenhouse gas emissions enough to avert a dangerous rise in global temperatures may be far more difficult than previous research suggested, say scientists who have just published studies indicating that it would require the world to cease carbon emissions altogether within a matter of decades.”

“‘The question is, what if we don’t want the Earth to warm anymore?’ asked Carnegie Institution senior scientist Ken Caldeira, co-author of a paper published last week in the journal Geophysical Research Letters. ‘The answer implies a much more radical change to our energy system than people are thinking about.’

Although many nations have been pledging steps to curb emissions for nearly a decade, the world’s output of carbon from human activities totals about 10 billion tons a year and has been steadily rising.”

- — – — – — -

IT’S THIS CONTRADICTORY DEVELOPMENT: on the one hand the physical sciences want us to know that fossil fuels consumption is a very bad idea. Great many of us have come to accept this by now. On the other hand, however, there is the realization that emissions are steadily rising. And the social sciences don’t want to touch the subject. Why? Probably because it is pretty easy to understand that the original idea of curbing CO2 emissions is going to prove impossible to bring to life. Just think about it: do you think it would be possible to bring the pollution from just one city — for example: the postcard city of Las Vegas (by night) — to zero?! Now, think again. If you’re finding it difficult to think of curbing CO2 emissions from just one city (I’m sure you do), then think about those other millions of similar cities around the world. You’ll be perfectly able to grasp the enormity of the problem.

Chances are, the proposed reduction of greenhouse gas emissions is going to end up as the good and commendable idea that it was, and not much more than that. In the short term it seems to me like social systems are quite ready to allow the whole planet to choke under the greenhouse effect atmospheric carpet which human activity keeps making thicker. In the long term we’re all going to die, and that’s a most basic fact of life and not some doomsayer’s dumb warning. We’re all going to die, and the oldest among us whither away and die, the youngest among us are going to have to deal with a lot of problems as the effects of global warming and manmade climate change are becoming grimmer and grimmer as years and decades go by. And here is the generational dilemma spread out for you, but the social sciences still don’t want to touch the subject of climate change and whatever it may have to do with the different human cultural systems and social structures of ours.

What comes next, then, is a period in which more and more people are starting to realize that it is indeed going to hell. And that there is nothing anyone can do to stop this. At least not so long as fossil fuels consumption is at all legal. The masters of the physical sciences are going to keep telling us that fossil fuels consumption should, in essence, be banned by law. As it is destroying the natural world at a very high speed. And as this fact is simply too stupid to continue living with, I suppose. But the social sciences are still going to stay mute about it. This is not considered to be a social problem, that’s why! It is totally absurd, of course, but it seems to me that the social scientists of this world are all tone deaf. Physical or natural problems have an effect on the social life of the people. Unfortunately it also has the social effect of making most professionals of the social sciences go disinterested. They jump to simple conclusions and decide they’d better not tell.

I think it would be very interesting to study the possible social reasons why things are going all wrong and awry here. I think it would be extremely interesting to investigate — from a social scientific point of view and a cultural/social anthropological perspective — the social reasons why it is proving impossible to curb greenhouse emissions. But it’s a non-starter, it seems. All because common sense tells social scientists not to worry about it. Why? Possible because the most probable conclusions of the said study would be way too gloomy to even publish. As it is: in the face of physical/natural disasters, the world simply doesn’t appreciate social truths. The social, cultural, and civilizational truths concerning manmade climate change is there for politicians and economists to deal with, and not for social scientists to start meddling with. Or so it may seem to an internet idiot like me.

Or so it may seem to an unpublishable author of essays, faction and fiction, prose, plays, and poems like me. A sad thing.

I’m thinking of my space aliens. The extraterrestrial fact finding mission from a different galaxy from ours, here with agents to monitor the situation here, as watching us turn into a species of mammal parasites engulfing and devouring the ecosystems of this whole planet of ours must indeed be extremely interesting to the worlds of extraterrestrial humanoidologists. Watching us knowingly and willingly destroying the planet by use of fossil fuels. And at the same time watching us chop down all rainforests at the highest possible speed, depleting fish resources at the highest possible speed, and destroying the natural habitat of many, many other species as well. And all the while pumping toxic substances straight into the rivers, seas, and oceans of this planet, like the flushing of toilets. And taking a good look at some of these mountaintop removal sites, where the quest for fresh coal to burn is there in the open for everyone to see, and are aw so telling, don’t you think?! — Little green people would certainly be very interested in these things, I can tell you that much. While the family of humanity gladly wants to keep quiet about it and get on with their lives, travelling about from here to there, unmoved and completely unabated. On a planet which, from the outside perspective, might appear like this giant centrifuge in which cars, buses, trains, aeroplanes, bicycles, prams, boats, ships, giant oil tankers, space shuttles and other movable devices containing raw materials, stuff and staff are shifting places continuously. — But oh! Oh oh! Don’t even think about it! There’s not a single thing you can do about it, so. –

Nevermind.

My dream can’t be real, I suppose

Spadlet: Maybe you could write something that was informative as well as interesting. Stuff that’s too moralistic or alegorical can get a text sidelided or into cult teritory, but if you could write something that got people thinking……..

– – — -

I don’t know. I don’t think it’s about moralism, it’s about addiction. Fossil-fuels addiction. Not until the majority of the world population recognize that the consumption of oil, gas, and coal is at the heart of the matter as concerns our common future, will stories about the madness of fossil-fuels addiction be received as something other than moralistic and aggressively political pieces of prose. Now, the future is all about continued oil, gas, and coal consumption. Greenhouse gas emissions are going to keep increasing. It’s a sad fact, and not a sad fact that debutants in the art of novel writing can get away with thinking too much about, I guess.

My fucked-up world view works to make me become the greatest loser of all time; that’s what I think. I can feel how all the things that are on my mind make for stories that the sensitive dollar souls of the people belonging to the political, economic, social, and cultural elites of our times are finding too hard to swallow. The fact that authors of prose and plays are dealing with people whose souls are dollaring and hearts are pounding, is simply a given. You are supposed to write a story that can make its way to the market and create some profits to the companies that are involved in the in-house financial record making concerned with the publication of novels. The book you’ve written is not only a piece of art, it is also a commodity: a product that is supposed to be sold to consumers of such products. So you can’t be too angry at the market system, now can you? But of course you can! — If your name is already well-known, that is, and you’ve been writing about and against the consumerist culture for more than just a handful of years already. –

This is the kind of thing that most readers don’t think about. The profit-making aspect of writing. It’s as boring as it gets, I suppose.

It’s a pecuiliar situation, really. In the world of book publishing, Norway ought to be well known for it’s relatively high number of socialist and communist authors. People like Solstad, Michelet, Nygaardshaug, Økland, Wold, Lund, Køltzow (to mention just a few) who have never been in favour of the capitalist system, but still get their novels, plays and poems published. They’ve become money-makers for their publishers, that’s all. –

Now, it’s like a long gone friend of mine said: “Life is research.” And I find that my life turns out to be all about figuring out why it is impossible for people to connect with my simple world view. Or rather: connect in such a way that it’s making it absolutely impossible to relate to me and my world view. ‘Cause I can easily see reasons why some of the older folks are finding it opportuned to associating me with what might be said to be “the end of the world.” While all I’m saying that the world civilization should move to rid itself of its age old addiction to fossil-fuels. And that the people of this world (informed humanity) should start rewriting history in such a way that made it possible top move on from here to a greener future, and that: as soon as possible. I mean: while the window of opportunity is still open, and lifestyle changes might have an effect at all. This is my dream. It’s the strangest dream, of course. All about peace and love. My dream can’t be real then, but all fake, I suppose.

And here I am: pondering the impossibility of dreaming about becoming an author of fiction. Simply because I’m at total odds with the capitalist consumerist system that all of the above mentioned authors have written long stories about and against repeatedly.

My life’s too strange, really. Honestly! It’s an important factor, I know. Too many spiritual things keep occurring around and about my person, I know. And it’s making it impossible for proper book salesmen to buy me. I’m the thing that shouldn’t be. I’m cursed. My personal future could easily involve that of being accused of witchcraft, I suppose? There is nothing new under the sun, of course. I mean: why not? Life’s too social, and people get frightened, so. Oh God. Here I am entering cult territory, am I right?

Have I stared too long?

Waiting for something. Looking for someone. Is there no reason? Have I stared too long? — David Bowie

- –

Like a born again realistic-optimist, and certainly a perfect stranger just said: “I’m acutely aware of stupidity all around me yet feel oddly comfortable.” I wish I could feel that way. But I can’t. A lot of people feel this way, I know, but me, I’ve got all this systematic evil on my mind at all times, and it makes me wonder what the fuck am I at all doing here, and then somehow: I can see it now. I can feel it die, and I am tempted to say: screw this! All these people truly want me dead, and there is nothing I can do about that, except?! Uh oh. As my general view of reality and the future becomes gloomier and gloomier every day. And as my therapist remains the most important lucipher character in my life. And as my mother keeps saying that I’m wrong about everything I heard and saw throughout the latter half of 2007. As 2008 seems to be the year in which all what’s up here is a big, big silence: this deafening sound of nothingness. As 2009 is approaching at a very high speed, just killing me softly like a locomotive. As 2010 nears, and. As 2011 nears, and. As 2012 is coming up. And what will be, will be. If I’m still around by then. I’m still waiting for something. I don’t believe anything strange is going to happen. — The angels have all gone to sleep now. –

I’m staying in a bad place, where they don’t care how I am. I should have taken a big trip. I should have simply sailed away. — As I never knew the right thing to say.

(Doo wap wap wha oo)

I can remain seated, and just do my writing on this wretched computer. Maybe wait for being discovered? No, I don’t think so. I’m just waiting for a chance, I guess. To make it right, I guess. A chance that is never going to turn up, because people associate me with all the bad things that can possibly happen, and. I’m acutely aware of the stupidity around me, whipping at the cliffs here, like a gale. And I just can’t understand this. It should all be so easy, I think. As the consumption of the oil, the gas, and the coal is the stimulus part of the greenhouse effect equation, and we all ought to be in possession of the brain power needed to get our heads around that bottleneck, and come to terms with the fact that there truly are good solutions to the greenhouse effect and global warming drama. We could all start out by becoming terribly afraid of fossil-fuels. Yes: we could all decide to fear fossil-fuels like we would have feared the dinosaurs if ever they were to reappear on this planet. Hah: I think the dinosaurs are indeed reappearing in the atmosphere of this planet. In the form of an atmospheric gas chamber which is threatening to choke all the life support systems of this planet, ha!! I wish a lot more people would think like I do.

But people seem to think that whatever happens happens, and that the only thing that’s truly interesting is the money they can make from making it happen. And the governments of this world are only interested in the tax money they get from people who are working to make whatever happens happen. And all of these multinational corporations’ only worry is what is happening on the stock exchanges around the world, all knowing that all that is happening there are the byproducts of all the continued growth in human activity around the world (building and construction boom, building of new airports and construction boom, building of new supermarkets, hotels, office houses and construction boom, building of superhighways and construction boom, building new homes and construction boom, building and construction of new oil pipelines boom, and building and construction of brand new football stadiums, opera houses, ski slopes, etc., etc.). And how about the military? Interested in the up-keep of the Al Qaida scare? And the headlong invention of new forms of warfare? What is it with people? They are all off to work in the morning, and that’s it. They don’t think too much, they just do. So long as they get paid for doing it, doh! They’ll keep mining for coal and drilling for oil. They’ll keep building new and enormously destructive aluminium and silicium melting plants. They’ll keep constructing new star ships, too. As Dr. Stephen Hawking might be fully correct in saying that the future of mankind must surely have everything to do with the expansion into space.

They’ll keep chopping down hefty old rainforest trees too. They’ll keep chopping down sub-arctic trees as well. They’ll keep hating trees, that’s it. And when the summer comes, and the lunatics go out into the woods in order to light a fire, what you see is that humanity is going crazy.

I wish I was more like the perfect stranger noted above. I wish I would feel oddly comfortable. If I did that, I’d probably also be feeling up to the task of writing another novel. But as I’ve come to understand that there can be no novel off my hands and head appearing on the book market, I realize that my only fucking option is that of being seated here, writing one son-of-a-whore blog, and watch the internet grow.

I wish I was able to believe that a novel manuscript from my hands would stand a chance of making it to the market. If I did that, I’d be writing the story of a coal miner meeting God one afternoon, but deciding to work even harder and make even more coal be available on the energy market. I can also think of characters like the old woman living in small oil-heated apartment situated in a high rise apartment house in the outskirt of a this small industrial town, and thinking her days away about the value of recycling, reusing and reducing, today, in this age of light bulb switching and mountaintop removal coal mining projects. There are so many modern and up-to-date characters here. I’ve got a long list of candidate murderers, rapists, and human traffickers as well. And football players and pop stars. And well-off airports authorities beaurocrats, school children and old farts with their minds fixed on whatever took place during the second world war and what is wrong with this world in our age of foreign Pakistanis and Vietnamese running the little shops at the corners all over the town, and the Thai people running spa places, Indian and Chinese people running restaurant, and Somalians selling drugs down the road here and in the local parks. And Polich people doing so much of the building and construction working; the old farts are all thinking about where the world seems to be headed. – While the youngsters go skating, skiing, running, ball kicking, and waiting for the chance to get a drivers lisence and a gas-guzzling limo of one’s own. — It truly is a shame about the car, isn’t it? Such a lot of pollution, I mean, and such an addictive thing to own as well. Freedom on four wheels, you know.

There are so many things to write about. But I guess what is required for me to get started would be the social development of an urge to rewrite history here, in order to get ready for changing trains here. This stupid train of destruction which we’re all at now is slowly leading us from here to nowhere, I mean: we should all be on our way to a cleaner future. — And not an even filthier one, which is what our political and financial leaders of this world have in store for us. More of everything, including oil, gas, coal, and beautiful planks of tropical wood for rich people’s livingroom floors. More room for the cows of Amazonia, I mean. And more room for palm trees in respect of the greening of car travelling life. What is good news in the ears of some people sound like bad news in the airs of many others. A topic which could make for a few good novels, but hell: I’ve already wasted my last chance, I guess. I’m sorry about that, but I was being a bit too strange for my general surroundings.

Now, that’ll be the story of my life and no pity at all, I guess. Not if my home people are allowed to judge, and the people of the Norwegian state’s health and social security system get it their way. I’m just so destroyed here. All what they’ve got for me is venom. They’ll even go so far as hating me simply because over the past few years, I’ve been treated with so much hate that it really is despicable. Now, I know that I live in the last Soviet republic of this world, and also in the 51st State of America, so I have no reason to long for social justice and human rights. Not here. Not everywhere? Oh, I guess so. I believe the Biggest of all Brothers of this world are very well connected, and that they love to think of me as a dead person walking. — This is the story of my life, for God’s sake. But I guess God is dead. Or, to the very least, that he’s left the building.

Global warming is forever: Part II

We are going to have to learn to live with global warming. There is no getting around that. It is not a problem that is going to go away by means of any form of climate change mitigating effort that are possible to make up by simple means of the human mind. Global warming is going to stay with us, no matter how large emissions cuts we are possibly going to agree upon. No matter how many ordinary lightbulbs were to be changed into energy efficient ones, global warming is not going to disappear from the picture. This is the sad part. Even if we were to reach that downright revolutionary agreement of banning the burning of fossil fuels — which would, by all accounts, be a wise decision indeed — it would not make global warming go away. It would still continue to be the underlying bug of the climate systems of this world. I know that it’s depressing. I know that it is not what people want to hear, but the difficult fact is: Global warming is forever. It’s an inconvenient truth by all accounts. But it’s the truth.

So how are we going to deal with this fact? I don’t know. My worst fear is that it is only going to become part and parcel of everyday life, while we do nothing (or as little as at all possible) in order to stop it. My worst fear is that global warming sort of sneaks into our daily and rather lazy vocabulary, as a phenomenon which is the cause of all sorts of strange seasonal weather patterns, extreme weather events, flowers popping up in the midst of what should have been winter but is, for some odd reason, more like spring, etc. — Yes, my greatest fear is all about the probable social sideeffect of global warming and manmade climate change that we simply get used to it and start to receive the patently unbelievable as “the new normal,” … and that without lifting a finger to stop it, either by way of changing a lightbulb or slowing down on the consumption of oil, gas, and coal. Because that would be a waste of time, as such a damn lot of emissions reductions are required, really. Slowing down on the general consumption of oil, gas, and coal, like making 10 percent less use of it, for starters, would be like spitting against the wind, sort of. As it would amount to close to nothing in The Real World.

My greatest fear involves the possible (even probable) conclusion that there is nothing anyone can do to stop global warming, simply because the efforts required would be way beyond us all (and the oil economy) to handle.

My hope is that the slowly approaching fact that people are actually starting to talk about the strange weather events which are everywhere to be experienced may be the starting point of a change. I’m thinking about the fact that a change to the better can only start by means of becoming able to give the problems a name that can be used in the open, and not only by use of hands on a keyboard of letters, numbers and signs, and have them spread on the internet at full speed, like I do. I admit it: I’m writing about things that I find that people aren’t usually too loud about in terms of talking. Now, because I am a very lonely person, I tend to say that the reason why I don’t talk about the problems concerned with the environment comes as a fact of my not being integrated in society no more. But I don’t know if that is the truth, as I can see how people react negatively towards me whenever I do say a few words indicating a massive change in global climatic trends.

And I think I should have had a good talk to some of those extraterrestrial agents that have taken human form and is walking amongst us here (harr harr) wearing human skin, but looking a bit too crazy to be shown to ordinary people on the TV screen: faces scarred and general appearances roughly unkempt. I used to talk to some of them, quite often, back in 2005, in Oslo. I also used to see some of them on the telly, I remember. Especially in programs that had to do with religion. Men, women and children looking like real beasts! Like dogs shouting at the camera man: “Blah, blah!! Blah, blahblahblah!!” Oh well. — Now, 2005: that must be about fifty years ago, I suppose. Such a lot of things have happened over the past few years, although, in the real sense, everything remains the same.

I wish I had a space alien friend or two, that’s what I do. Some few “people” who shared my general points of view: that the world is a bad, mad place which had better start to become normal again before we allow ourselves to end the whole show with a big bang and a nuclear war. — But hey: I’m drooling here.

Sorry.

It’s never going to happen again. Just kidding.

I’m about as certain about the existence of God as I am of the fact that certain birds have a well-developed intelligence. And I’m also well aware of the fact that global warming coincides with a rapid decrease in the number of pirates of this world, and that this is a good example of how human beings — and certainly not space aliens — are finding it opportuned to make fun of the global crisis. I mean: these space aliens are dead serious about their business. They seem to be here on a mission. It appears to me as if Douglas Adams was right in depicting Earth as a giant computer. These space aliens are seriously concerned about the number 41 now, I think, as this is the number that precedes 42, which turned out to be a comma.

Global warming is all about being aggressively creative and to a large degree competent in all things spiritual. Well, anyway: that’s how I have come to relate to it. It is because I hate global warming, for short. And it is because I am convinced that it has a lot to do with human misdemeanour in the ecosystems and environments of this world. And it is also the reason why I am giving the food mafia a chance. — You know, those people who are constantly obsessed with their thoughts about what to eat when the time for the next meal comes around, and extremely seldomly take this lightly. I mean: these people who are all about lists of ingredients, spices and atmosphere. Real food lovers, I mean. And not health fanatics, who I despise. Those health fanatics are potential nazis for sure. Oh, come on: you know what I mean. But the food loving people are onto something, I think. If only people in general were more interested in the food they were eating than the television program they were going to watch: hey yeah!! A development in the direction of food over television would make way for a much better world, I guess. It would still be true to say that the ecological problems of ours are immense, but as it is, right now, we are also faced with the situation that the economic system of this planet is equally as bizarre as the state of the climate systems. What if one could make it real by having money based on products of a natural origin other than oil, gas, coal, and other sick minerals come out as the guiding principle of economics? Like food, for God’s sake. And water. Substances that people need in order to survive, and not substances that people make overly use of in order to destroy the planet at a faster rate than anyone ever heard of before.

Well, that would be the most normal way for an extraterrestrial Earth research agent, I know. Such a creature would under no uncertain terms be quite clear about the fact that global warming is indeed manmade, and therefore … very, very strange … extremely …

Global warming is forever: Part I

Global warming is forever. As a political topic it is soon to be over and done with. Citizens and policy makers will soon be in complete agreement: global warming is a natural fact, and climate change is an Act of God. If God can be understood as living in every man or possibly as a function of the combined efforts of every woman and man to make a difference in this world (which is the basics of the philosophy or belief of Jesus Christ, by the way) then it is possible to conclude that anything that is “manmade” must be an Act of God or indeed God’s will. Now, I am not in total agreement with Jesus Christ. I believe God is Nature, and lives in all beings of nature, including all plants and creatures. Mankind is simply the mammal which resides on the very top of the food chain, and as such possibly also among the more important components of what in my view would be “God” — in that mankind is the only species which can operate like paracites in the combined ecosystems of the planet, and therefore also wields the power to make significant changes to the natural systems in such a way that nature responds negatively to the physical actions taken or social and economic habits developed. As I see it, climate change is the end result of destructive actions taken and habits developed by humanity ever since the start of the industrial revolution some 150 – 200 years ago.

As the ecosystems collapse — ever so fast or ever so slowly (the relativity of time, as seen as a social phenomenon, is immense!) — it is nature itself which takes on God-like qualities. All the different species, including mankind, is indeed in for a bumpy ride, as the climate systems of this planet continues to go crazy. The human kind is going to find it necessary to adapt to the climate changes. My guess is that the species is also going to wake up to the urgency of the situation, and find it extremely important, but also strangely difficult, to pave way for at least some measures of mitigating action in response to the rapid change in the climate systems, for example. We are already experiencing that a lot of people are concerned about what is happening to the rainforests of the planet’s tropical zone. Some understanding of the effects of desertification is also to be seen. And the building water crisis do get a few headlines as well. All in all, what I think we are seeing here is the starting point of some kind of desperation on the part of humankind, especially as regarded as an undivided species and a functional whole.

As more and more people become aware of global warming and start to realize what little is being done to avert the catastrophic consequences of manmade climate change, I believe a lot of irrational behaviour on the part of individual human beings is only a natural response. I can easily make this judgement as I see myself and my own irrational behaviour. As it is: I’ve become a low emissions radical: I’m one of those people who have started to resent the very existence of petrol, for example. It’s irrational as hell, but still rational enough, I think, as I’ve got every reason to believe the best and most influential climate science available to mankind has concluded that the consumption of petrol is bad for us in the long run. Although thinking about the exhaust every time I’m inside a bus, a taxi, or a private car must probably be understood as global warming madness, and I shall have to admit that I am currently sick and off with climate change.

I’d also like to say that I’m down with Mount Zion. I can see that, and I ought to become able to deal with it. I’m not at all able to do that in a dignified manner. Not yet, that is. And so long as the communities of human beings around me can only treat me with the fiercest forms of hate available to the imagination of living (and dead) human beings, I’ll definitely continue to feel extremely nervous in the company of old friends and strangers. As it is: I’m hardly even able to talk strainght, as I feel that everything that is close to my heart is way too much for ordinary people to take to heart and understand; therefore I’m also extremely good at shutting my mouth up. I communicate with my fingers, and use my mouth to eat, drink, and take a cigarette from time to time.

I’m not a health freak. Now, I want to say a few words about health freaks. I find it interesting how physical health has become the number one interest of all humanity. At the same time as the future of mankind is somehow in the balance, the future of every individual person’s physical and mental health (whatever that means?) has become the number one concern of all societies. I mean: people are jogging and doing push-ups at a rate which was not the case no more than twenty or thirty years ago. I mean: what’s up?! What’s happening here? Is this just another aspect of climate change insanity? As the climate system is seriously out of balance, and the concept of global warming resides in the back of the mind of each and everyone of us, we are all supposed to stay away from sugar, take nourishment tablets, take vitamins, work out, etc. It is generally assumed (especially by the cronies of the media world) that all normal humans take a real interest in doing a variety of things in order to keeping the body in perfect shape. All this, while at the very same time it is about to become perfectly fair to say (well, put it in writing then) that humanity is about to do itself in by means of a number of overgrowth activities and all forms of environmentally destructive behaviour. I just can’t help myself. I’m finding it almost as amusing as the space travel people’s insistence on the apparent fact that the future of mankind relies on space invasion; and especially now, one might say, as these people have come to realize that global warming might be the alarm clock beeping, and the possible end of all livelihood on planet Earth may actually be in the making.

So what is it with people? Where do we think we are going? To take the car out and meet with our friends at the local health club, of course. Or sit ourselves down in front of the television set, zap onto the Discovery Channel, and follow the advancements of the astronomic search for other Earth-like planets in other solar systems: some planet to which the better-off members of our grandchildren’s generation might be able to fly, conquer and inhabit. While the rest of us are trying to make it extra cosy in the Polar Cities of ours. In Baffinland. — On top of a planet which has, by then, become a deserted dumpster world of ghost cities, perhaps? — As it is, I’m not able to follow Mr. Bloom’s way of thinking; as for now I can only confirm that I find him a funny creature, just like I find the people at LiftPort Group funny, and slightly intriguing too; as I am thinking of worldviews that are completely alien to me. But then, I’m all so naïve, and have gone bonkers.

I believe that mankind must be seen and accepted as a paracitic species on the face of the earth; the earth understood (here) as the combined ecosystems of the planet, which are the life support systems of the planet; ie. the entire biosphere which is our world. I believe it is fair to conclude that all sincere adults of this planet have at least heard of concepts like global warming and climate change, and acknowledge the fact that these are a couple of the prime issues in our times. I also believe it is fair to say that while many people believe that the future of mankind must have something to do with space invasion is quite large, very few people believe it has anything to do with them personally. On top of all this I believe that the extremely large group of health fanatics of this world form a congregation of potentially evil lifestyle fascist in that they have been infected with some kind of “forever stay fit for fight” virus that has been injected into their sculls by visiting space aliens that have for a very long time — ever since the late 1960s when, to their astonishment, they realized that members of human species were in fact hopping about on top of the Moon — conducted various experiments on human beings as they have long discovered that the species is about to do itself in by full speed means of rapidly growing overpopulation combined with rapidly increasing greenhouse gas emissions, for starters … as a matter of fact: I know that I am mad, and I also know that I am no more than one individual madman in a soon-to-be 7 billion strong league of mad women and men, children, youths, sincere and insincere adults and old people who are all very proud of what they have achieved in life, and hoping to reach the age of 93 before they perish and die, while younger folks expect to be about 130 when their time comes, as new cures are continously being discovered and new drugs, new medications, new health pills, and new youngness creams are continously being invented … I’m thinking I’m a part of a species consisting of fucking creeps and raging hoardes that really share in no other future than that of global warming …

Very deep …

It’s a very peculiar situation, Darras. I don’t know how to defend myself. And I certainly don’t know how to relate to the truth. I even think that I should just stay quiet here, since nothing that I say can bring about any change of situations. It’s like what I’m doing here is being done for no particular reason, but only in spite of everything. — ‘Cause here I am, acting like some fucking idiot, carving out strange declarations and vivid exclamations and thrusting it all straight at this Great Wall of Babylon which is the Internet. What am I expecting here? Some ragged form of justice? — Maybe that’s what I’m dreaming of? I honestly don’t know.

“If I were you, my dear friend and employer, I would certainly allow myself to dream of what you called some ragged form of justice. It’s the very least that is required of any person who still believes in the value of life. And you know that I’m against all forms of forced death. Suicide is never a good advice, as I see it.”

Even if life is a living hell? Even if I know that a whole lot of medical doctors have decided to join together and do whatever it takes in order to make me commit suicide? You know, that’s what it feels like.

“I understand. Now, please tell me more about what happened to you in Oslo. That doctor.”

Dr. Dickson.

“That’s his name, yes. A good name for a man assigned to the dirty job of castrating you, don’t you think?”

Heh, yeah. — I was thinking that much immediately, as soon as I realized that I was being conned here, for some odd reason. You see, I’ve got this mathematical model of the logics of population explosion in the back of my mind at every given time, and I guess it must have something to do with the way people are choosing to treat me. Like a monster of some sort. This kind of guy who do not believe in God’s original decision to allow for fifteen children per woman, as a matter of personal decision and free will. And I thought. — I don’t know what I thought? That humanity would become normal again? If ever it was normal? I doubt it. But I’m a very naïve person, so I figured that all the silly mistakes would be taken away, out of my life, at some given future point in time. I guess I must be the all time most stupid fool in the history of the galaxy?

“Yes.”

Hm! Yes!! Now, you think I should tell you more about this doctor, is that so?

“That’s indeed so.”

You know, I’ve said this before. From the way he acted as he was sitting there, like a fool, not being able to lift the pen off the table and put his signature to the medical journal, I could tell that something was absolutely wrong. He even stared at me and said that the HIV diagnosis was good news in terms of my disability pension application. He simply had to say that thing, only in order to make himself able to lift the pen off the table and sign the damned paper. It was all so obvious. I understood, straight away, that the diagnosis was a fake.

“I hear you. But how can you be so certain?”

Body language. He appeared to be extremely uneasy about the whole situation. He acted like an otherwise chummy uncle who was about to perform a task which was very uncomfortable to him. In order to be able to do this task — the task of signing a paper confirming that I am HIV positive — he simply had to explain to me that it was actually good news, too, and that in terms of my personal economy in the future. It would be much, much easier to get a disability pension if I applied for it on account of a physical condition, and not exclusively on account of mental or psychological problems. That’s what the man said. Only after he had said that was he physically capable of lifting the pen off the table!

“It sure doesn’t sound right. But still. I don’t know.”

The situation is rather odd. I shall be the first person to admit that. But nevertheless, I swear that I’m telling the truth. And as several hospitals spent the latter part of 2007 giving me good additional reasons to doubt the fact that I’m really HIV positive, I’m telling you: my whole life is a case of psychological torture on a daily basis. Sinve last summer I’ve been re-tested for HIV twice on some doctor’s order, in Bergen and in Haugesund, and I was offered a third test last automn, here in Bodø, as I was hospitalized with a suicidal psychosis again. A nurse at the mental hospital here in Bodø said that no information concerning this HIV infection of mine was mentioned in my journal, so they wanted to take another test. This time I refused. I had been disappointed twice already, and let’s face it: there is probably no possible way for the health care system of this country to actually admit to the fact that I’ve been set up and framed in such a way as this. This is not a fascist state, now is it?

“It’s just so utterly unbelievable, that’s all. It defies all logic; all normal criterions of reason.”

Of course it does.

“Sure. Now, I can also understand that you are somehow running out of time here. It’s as if a clock is ticking here, and ticking fast, if you know what I’m saying?”

I do.

“I hear you, and I understand that we’re dealing with existential things here. Now, I’m not going to act as some shrink here, but you know: people are concerned. Two of your American internet friends have actually said that much in e-mails to you, making inquiries about the state of things. Now, both of them know that you are hospitalized, and in the mind of other people this is not a small thing.”

That’s true. But I’ve been in and out of mental hospitals for several years now, and I’ve come to realize that nobody cares. My view of society is seriously skewed. I used to believe that it had something to do with social justice. Society, I mean. That it was equally concerned about the well-being of all of its members. I’ve been so naïve. I’ve always been too naïve. But here I am thinking that the human family has finally decided to do itself in anyway, and now I am thinking of the global warming, the manmade climate change, the deforestation, the desertification, and all these other ecological dilemmas. The fact that there is virtually no sign of a change to the better. Not anywhere. — And then there is the social fact that everyone is turning their backs on me. Like I’m supposed to be an evil person for believing the the world must be saved, somehow, from such a lot of the actions of the combined human species. It doesn’t mean that I’m an evil person! I mean: am I an evil person?

“You’re not an evil person.”

But Nunu certainly has every reason to believe I’m an evil person. It’s all because I told my family what my Swedish doctor told me a while before he was actually going to put his signature to my journal and found it impossible to do so without explaining to me first that it was all good news, in a sense, in terms of my application for a disability pension. Money-wise, so to speak. Good news, he said. Money-wise. That big creep.

“I see.”

It was only when he found it all that hard to pick the pen up from the paper that I realized that I was being framed. I understood that it had something to do with the fact that I was hospitalized with an existential crisis. I understood that it had something to do with revenge. I understood that it had everything to do with pure evil. But I don’t know how to say this to you. There’s always something. Something odd. Something strange. Something very deep and spiritual. Something that we do not have a language for. Strange little signals that we are constantly sending to each other. Every hour of the day. All the time. Like the mammals we truly are. And as the predatory mammal species which we most certainly are. Dogs of war and serial cannibals.

“Very deep.”

Indeed very deep. Now, about what happened between me and that woman — Nunu is her name — it was all so spiritual, you see. It was almost as if we belonged together, her and I. We just fell in love with each other as soon as we had had our first cup of coffee together, at Dikselen in Haraldsgata in Haugesund; this little town in the south-western part of Norway to which the Norwegian government had forced her to move. It was mandatory, as she said. She didn’t know anyone in Haugesund, and this was what Mrs. Grønning was thinking, as she got to know that Nunu had been relocated from Stavanger to Haugesund. Nunu is a refugee, you see, which means that her whole life for that simple reason is controlled and directed by the Norwegian foreigners’ administration. Now, Mrs. Grønning knew that I lived in Haugesund, and thought of the two of us as two troubled souls who could do well together. As friends, but not as lovers, of course, as my mother had already told her that I had been diagnosed as HIV positive.

“Okay?”

Yes. Here’s the problem. The fact that I had already told my family about my diagnosis. They were never going to buy the idea that I am not HIV positive after all. No matter what this big creep, Dr. Dickson, working at the psychiatric ward of Ullevål University Hospital in Oslo, had said about the good news of the diagnosis, and no matter how many times I were to tell them the story of the man’s behaviour as he was preparing to sign my journal. Because things like these simply do not happen. Not in Norway in any case. Maybe in Libya, but not here. Maybe in El Salvador or Honduras, but definitely not here!

“I hear you.”

So of course I knew that I would have to tell Nunu. As soon as I possibly could. Even though I was using a condom, and even though. Even though! Everything, if you know what I’m saying? Everything!

“Ehem.”

Yes! It’s just too fucking impossible to make this right! Because it wasn’t right. I wasn’t totally honest with her. If I had tried to be totally honest with her from the start. –

“M.”

Yes. M. So what happened was this: after spending a month in her company, I called the police and had them take me to the psychiatric hospital in Haugesund. I was suicidal at the time. And I was thinking that the best thing for me to do was to seek specialist attention. I had Nunu come and visit me at the hospital. I told her that I had been diagnosed with HIV, and that was it, really. Then I had to force her to go and get herself tested, even if I knew that she would probably not be infected anyway. Then the Swedish doctor at the hospital — Dr. Nielsson — forced me to sign a piece of paper indicating that I was HIV positive. After which the hospital personnel started to act crazy. I ran away from the hospital. The police found me in Bergen. I told my mother about Nunu, and I also told her about the way I was being treated by the hospital people back in Haugesund. The treatment I received was absolutely horrendous. As a matter of fact, the most senior doctor at that hospital ward, Dr. Nielsson, asked me why I didn’t travel to Iraq in order to join Al Qaida on the battlefield against the American soldiers. It’s true! That’s what the doctor told me! I’m not kidding. It was crazy. And when I say that I ran away from the hospital, I’m actually telling a white lie, as the fact of the matter is I was chased away from the premises. I was treated like The Devil Himself. I hate to say this, but it is actually psychological torture I am experiencing here, every day. I don’t believe I can take it much longer. At least I do know that I need to get the truth out, and off my chest, and do so with some immediacy. This is what I am doing, here and now, talking to you, my dear Darras, as I can see you … all so somber, on the other side …

“Well, that’s what I’m here for. Since you have no other person around you. Nobody who is willing to listen to you. Nobody who believes you. Nobody who thinks that you’re not a freak of nature but an ordinary person like you and I, so to speak. Which you aren’t. As you have all these spiritual issues on your mind all the time. You know what I mean?”

Yeah, I know. But let me just tell you, straight out, that if it wasn’t for the fact that Dr. Dickson decided to fake a HIV diagnosis up for me, I’d still be living in Haugesund, I’d still be loving Nunu, and I’d still be thinking of life as something odd worth trying out for a while, and not to be ended anytime soon. As it is, right now, I’m not all that certain. Is it worth it?

“Maybe it is?”

Uh, yeah. Just maybe. But I think too much, and that’s another topic.

- — – — – — – — – — – —

If you want to know what it is like to be working under a system that has gone evil on the world, you should definitely read up on Steve Milgram’s psychological experiment. -